No good play is a success; fine writing and high morals are useless on the stage. I have been scribbling twaddle for thirty-five years to suit the public taste, and I should know."

You've no idea what a poor opinion I have of myself -- and how little I deserve it.

"Things are seldom what they seem,
Skim milk masquerades as cream."

"Down went the owners --greedy men whom hope of gain allured:
Oh, dry the starting tear, for they were heavily insured."

"If you wish in this world to advance,
Your merits you're bound to enhance;
You must stir it and stump it,
and blow your own trumpet.
Or trust me, you haven't a chance."