A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.

"I understand the big food companies are developing a tearless onion. I think they can do it -- after all, they've already given us tasteless bread."

"It may be the way the cookie crumbles on Madison Avenue, but in Honk Kong it's the way the egg rolls."

"Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work."