There was this billy goat at a movie studio who found and ate a can of film. When a nanny asked him how he liked it, he said, 'It was all right but I liked the book better.'"

"New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved."

"If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam."

"For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off."

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.