You may be a redneck if . . . you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

If men have a smell it's usually an accident.

[Watching a baby being born] is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother -- you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.