Reading someone else's newspaper is like sleeping with someone else's wife. Nothing seems to be precisely in the right place, and when you find what you are looking for, it is not clear then how to respond to it."

"English history is all about men liking their fathers, and American history is all about men hating their fathers and trying to burn down everything they ever did."

"If God had been a liberal, we wouldn't have had the Ten Commandments -- we'd have the Ten Suggestions."

You Liberals think that goats are just sheep from broken homes.

"Only the old are innocent. That is what the Victorians understood, and the Christians. Original sin is a property of the young. The old grow beyond corruption very quickly."